I like to create little posting games. Here's how this one works. One person posts a question on any topic, with the caveate being that there should NOT be an actual answer. The rest of the board has 72 hours to post a clever answer, after which the question creator picks the best\favorite response and the selected person writes the next question. For example:
MGOBLUE(Marty) posts: If I mowed my lawn with my toothbrush would I have to brush my teeth with my lawnmower?
Rage responds: Yes, and you'd have to shave your legs with dental floss you big woman!
Kossen responds: No, but only because you're a toothless yokel.
Marty decides he likes Rage's answer best, so Rage gets to post the next question. Got it? Good. If not give it a few days and you'll figure it out. As always, it's my game so I go first:
Where do you think Ron Powlus keeps the 3 Heisman Trophies Beano Cooke said Ron would win while at Notre Dame?
In Beano's coffin, crushed by the Michigan helmet that Beano is wearing.
The Dark Lord Sauron melted them down to form the One Waistbracelet of Power, which was monumental failure.
In his ass, the same place from where Beano Cooke talks and Notre Dame pulled last weeks game.
I don't think Marty's answer can be topped, but I'll make a lame attempt anyway:
He keeps them in a closet with some other items he collected over the years: Mikey's corpse (who died from eating Pop Rocks and drinking Coke), his $1.32 million dollar check from Bill Gates for forwarding e-mails, and a manila envelope of the pictures he handed out at his wedding showing his now-ex-bride having sex with the best man.
Pherph - If you had said "piano case sized coffin" I would have given it to you.
Marty - Great answer. Only my warped sense of tangential humor kept you out of the winner's circle.
DJ - A reference to waking up in a bathtub full of ice with the trophies where his kidney's used to be would have put you over the top
And the winner is....RAGE! You earned bonus points because you're talk of melting down the trophies made me think of the SNL skit where Desmond Tutu melts down Doug Flutie's Heisman while trying to reattach the arm. LET'S LOOK AT THAT PASS AGAIN!
Rage, you may fire when ready.
Thank yah, thank yah . . .
Ok, so I was sitting here watching the local news, and Bob the sports guy was yammering on about ASU and the whipping they delivered unto Iowa yesterday. He mentioned that their offense was the greatest thing since sliced bread . . . which led me to wonder:
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
First, tell "Bob" to stop talking out of Lee Corso's mouth. Then, back to answering the question...
My first thought was the Hula Hoop, followed by the Pet Rock, Rubik's Cube, and Snipe Hunting. But those were all relatively recent modern phenomenas. Slice bread goes back some 7500 years. I figure, in the garden of Eden, after they were all smoking "long tall green plants, with four long leafs" (Think J. Geils here!) And then they got the munchies for some sliced bread!
The obvious answer, by default is:
The Roach Clip
Contrary to popular belief, the answer to this question is NOT unsliced bread.
Also sliced bread is a fairly recent invention, being less than 80 years old. Logging onto a website http://corporate.britannica.com/press/inventions.html , I discovered that sliced bread was actually invented in 1928. This led me to thinking that the greatest thing before sliced bread, would be something that was invented just prior to 1928. A quick scan of the inventions showed some promise, with the most promising invention being Kool-Aid (invented by Edward Perkins in 1927), silicone in 1904 (widely known for its beauty enhancing applications), and tea-bagging which was invented in the early 1900's (who knew?). However, after further analysis, I realized that my previous assumption may have been incorrect, and the best thing BEFORE sliced bread may have been around for a long time and need not be a recent invention.
So, now I had been sorting thru all of the timeless inventions, and tried to pick the best one. Fire was ruled out, as it is technically a discovery not an invention, and while the wheel may receive the popular vote, I also ruled that out because if it is so great, why does everyone always try to reinvent it? This process of elimination led me to believe that the greatest invention prior to sliced bread was......(drumroll please)......PORN.
Not that I have to speak about the merits of this invention, as I believe the 'product' speaks for itself. I don't know when porn was actually invented, but I am sure it was perfected by the Greeks (those perverts) so it has been around for quite some time. And if you think of it, many of the greatest inventions since the Industrial Revolution are based on or have ties to, porn. For example, the printing press and typewriter both furthered the cause of written porn (much better than that hieroglyphic porn on clay tablets - you ever try to hide on of those in your sock drawer?), the TV was another big step for porn, and of course, the twin technological wonders invented solely for the use of advancement of porn - computers and the internet.
There you have it. Porn, the greatest invention prior to sliced bread, and the grandfather of many of today's great inventions. Without it, imagine what our world would be like......then again, I'd rather not think about such things.
DJ knows his judge.
I'm pretty sure I have no shot after that, but I can't resist playing. As a man I only have a few simple needs. 1 of these needs is covered in DJ's post. The other 2...eating seared animal flesh and burning witches. And so I submit to you that the greatest thing before sliced bread had to be fire. For how else can you enjoy a roasted leg of lamb while young Sarah Witherspoon is barbequed for turning the cobbler's son into a newt?
I thought of answering that the greatest thing before sliced bread was sexual reproduction (or more properly the act of sexual reproduction that doesn't quite take until you are ready). Then I thought that contraception might be the answer, but the problem is that both of those things are still better than sliced bread.
Please note: the idea stuck me early while reading DJ's excellent post, so I am not truly copying - just a little late.
Dinosaurs.
Due to the overpowering quality of responses, I've been forced to de-mothball (and slightly modify) a ranking system formerly used to rate movies. The Rage Random-question Ranking System (R3S) has the following peculiarities:
Mirth
0 Completely devoid of mirth. Think IRS audit . . .
5 The bellows of laughter your post conjured were perfectly offset (in a mathematical/spiritual sense) by the sheer mind-numbing pain other mirthless portions caused. Imagine seeing an animal trainer at the zoo getting peed on by an elephant followed immediately a SWAT team slaming you in the balls with one of those door-busting battering rams.
10 I'm frolicking in the fields of joviality. Nuclear mirth fusion has ignited. Quintillions of individual mirth atoms are smashing into one another every attosecond forming never-before-seen mirth isotopes. Life is so very, very goooooooooood!
Ingenuity
0 Completely devoid of ingenuity. A black hole of originality and creativity which not only sucks, it sucks royal. (have to give props to the post from a long time ago where someone was labeled a black hole of humor (or something similar) - loved it and am constantly finding ways to work it into my daily life)
5 Flashes of your Einsteinian brilliance periodically singe my retinas as I read your post, but the rapture I feel basking in your brilliance is quickly and emphatically doused by the crushing realization that . . . well . . . I was probably mistaken.
10 You just bent the Goddess of Wisdom over a bar stool and are giving her a Herculean pounding as the stars above look down in knowing approval. A New Age has dawned. You are the new living embodiment of intellect and creativity.
Porn
0 Completely devoid of porn. All your post was to me was the constant sound of Charlie Brown's teacher punctuated every so often with a "Thankya Jesus!" Nobody likes a religious zealot. Get off my porch.
5 Late-nite Cinemax. Nudity was to be had, but not nearly enough. Bonus points for effort, but do not pass Go and do not collect $200.
10 A virtual symphony of porn. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. Your post swept me away to an island where it was just me, Briana Banks, Jesse Jane, Kira Kener, Kobe Tai, Jenna Jameson, Amber Lynn, Nina Hartley, 5,000 gallons of lube, and a tree that grows Viagra coconuts.
Guns, Robots, and Airborne Mutagens
0 Completely devoid of guns, robots, and airborne mutagens. This is clearly not good. Next thing I know, you'll be declaring World Peace.
5 A decent number of guns, robots, and airborne mutagens, but not nearly enough to lay waste to a countryside. Nice try, but before you plan your next invasion, you might want to put a wee bit more money into R&D.
10 You are a galactic power, capable of bending entire solar systems to your dark will with the merest glance. The sheer number of guns, robots, and airborne mutagens at your disposal is truly epic. I depart on the wings of a wish spell, but not before bowing in homage to the might of your post.
--------------------------------
Ok, so now that we got that out of the way, the weighted breakdown is:
Mirth 45%
Ingenuity 45%
Porn 8%
GR&A 2%
Having said that, allow me to rate these most excellent posts:
Marty
Mirth 7
Ingenuity 7.5
Porn 6
GR&A 7
TOTAL: 7.145
Started out strong, especially liked the part about Snipe Hunting. Made me think a lot about guns. The Garden of Eden also conjured up images of nudity, which is never a bad thing.
Oz
Mirth 8
Ingenuity 8.5
Porn 9.8
GR&A 0
TOTAL: 8.209
This was so good on so many different levels that I want to kick a nun.
Bartt
Mirth 7.75
Ingenuity 8
Porn 4
GR&A 2
TOTAL: 7.4475
I don't think burning witches has ever enjoyed the degree of popularity it deserves. I'm sure bbq'ing Sarah Witherspoon would qualify as soft porn in someone's book. No real GR&A, but you get bonus points for violent imagery.
Pherph
Mirth 5
Ingenuity 5
Porn 9
GR&A 0
TOTAL: 5.22
Just mentioning sexual reproduction is going to get you on the board. I just got some sexual reproduction DVDs in the mail. I'm a happy, happy flab.
TFK
Mirth 4
Ingenuity 6
Porn 0
GR&A 2
TOTAL: 4.54
Try as I might, I can't think of any pornos involving dinosaurs. The brevity aspect was good - swim against the stream.
So there you have it . . . the winner is Oz.
Hit us with your best shot . . .
Nuns without shinguards beware!
Rage,
Your last post was awesome. I think we need to tell the webmaster to make sure that post gets archived somewhere, for if the whole internet goes down, it would be a travesty to future generations if that post were lost. The quote about the Goddess of Wisdon over the barstool is classic.
----
Okay, enough reminiscing, on to the next question:
Since we are among those fortunate enough to have survived the cataclysmic event otherwise known as Y2K (do you remember the horror of that night????), please share with the group how you managed to survive the Armageddon-like circumstances that surrounded that fateful evening on the night of December 31st, 1999.
I have spent many a new year in the John Fischer compound. In late '99 I caught the biological version of the Y2K bug and was laid out for a few days. I caught it from my in-laws who frequently get sick just thinking that I may come visit.
I rose from my sick-bed to greet the new year then quickly went back to that self-same sick-bed.
I was cured only when that poor Pfluger kick from Alabama kicked the extra point wide.
I let out a cheer of celebration and renewed physical health and was promptly shushed for possibly waking my niece.
My relationship with my niece has not yet recovered.
Knowing that the Gates of Hell were scheduled to open that night, I took certain precautions. Chance favors the prepared mind.
10. That entire night, I never backed out of one room into another without looking first.
9. I made sure that my car had a fresh battery and a full tank of gas so it would start immediately once the local vampire street gang started descending upon my house.
8. I never unlocked my front door after 7 p.m. to look outside.
7. I made sure I stayed the hell away from certain geographical locations: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bemuda Triangle, and any quaint town in Maine.
6. Along the lines of #7, I avoided going to isolated research stations. This included Arctic weather stations, foreboding pacific atolls, distant space stations, and island bases harboring secret government-sponsored gene-splicing experiments.
5. Just to be safe, I didn't play any vicious pranks on shy new kids in my neighborhood for a full two months leading up to New Year's Eve.
4. Any and all objects that suddenly started moving in a mysterious fashion were immediately thrown out.
3. I traced the lineage of every person coming over to my house that night back 1,000 years just to make sure I didn't accidentally invite the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson of some horribly evil historical figure. That would just be asking for trouble.
2. I avoided any stranger carrying tools best suited for carving, piercing, or removing living human flesh, such as chain saws, staple guns, icepicks, electric carving knives, axes, band saws, or flame throwers.
1. I listened closely to the soundtrack and paid close attention to the audience, since they are always far more intelligent than I could ever hope to be.
I placed a yoke around my neck and plowed the halcyon fields of my youth, when y 2 k was a distance traveled and not an Orwellian nightmare.
I wrote songs that made Christopher Cross and Al Stewart weep the tears of a thousand hormonal women.
I ate a meal of manly men, with grease and gristle and flesh torn asunder.
But mostly I hung out at Chez McCoy, watched Jamie drink a concoction of alcohol and condiments and then pass out on his kitchen floor.
The votes have been cast:
Pherph gets bonus points for mentioning Michigan's big victory. But the fact that he was shushed during a Michigan game did not help his case.
Bartt's story was building up nicely, but having the night end as the host drinks alcohol and condiments and then proceeds to pass out on the kitchen floor seems somewhat anticlimactic.
Winner = Rage.
I suggest we print out his list, and stick it to our refrigerators as reminders for what not to do as Halloween is right around the corner.
Muchas gracias.
Having signed on during my daily 17-minute pseudo-intellectual moment - drinking a Half-cap Double Decaffeinated Macchiato Mocha Espresso hot off the Starbucks assembly line - I feel compelled to consider broader issues than my navel. Bear with me. I'm just getting warmed up over here.
Evolution, as I see it, doesn't have a purpose, in the sense of a fixed goal to which it's advancing. Despite evolution being largely unpredictable, however, it can't truly be labeled as random either. Selection can be seen as having the implicit goal of maximizing survivability and/or fitness. This, therefore, implies a preferred direction of evolution, which is in practice characterized by increasing complexity, adaptivity and intelligence. Michigan State grads obviously need not apply.
My question, therefore, is simply this . . . What is the purpose of it all?
Simple...To make fun of Head.
42
Decidedly meager turnout this time. No need to go to R3S with this sad state of affairs. I suppose I'll have to give it to Bartt for picking on Head . . . which is generally a good idea. Pherph - I might have picked you had you said 420, which would have contained some mirth. Not really sure about the 42, however.
We promise to do better this time.
What the heck was so wrong with the original pentathlon that we needed a "modern" version?
While the original pentathlon was frequently won by scantilly clad (at the start, becoming fully nude by the end)Athenian porn stars riding on the backs of dinosaurs, the modern pentathlon usually boils down to a battle between Iron Man and Johnny Sako's robot several hundred feet in the air. Sadly, with the exception of the pteradactyls, the dinosaurs could not fly, and the modern porn stars (thanks obviously to certain breakthroughs in modern plastic surgery) are just too much for their ancient ancestors to handle so there clearly was a need for the modernization of the pentathlon.
They did it for Rage, so there could be more shooting.
Unfortunately, due to rather poor planning on the part of pentathlon designers, the original pentathlon wasn't Y2K compliant. In order to avoid thousands of athletes around the world from suffering a complete mental meltdown (after emptying their bank accounts into certain off-shore accounts owned by The Bad Guys) on December 31, 1999, the original pentathlon was re-engineered so as to provide athletes with two extra digits. Most likely one on each foot, since 6-fingered men are notorious for lying, cheating, and killing. That would be a public relations nightmare. Best to hide this little secret in an oversized pair of Nike and faghedabowdit.
Pherph, nice sucking up...but I asked the question, not Rage.
Rage, I hope you're compiling all of these musings into book form. Jack Handy ain't got nuthin' on you.
But the winner this time is TFK, who took advantage of his knowledge gained from our rooming together to craft a tale with both Johnny Sako and porn stars. Robot launch indeed! Bradley, take your best shot.
My initial idea was "shouldn't it be doggie did do", but not wanting to plagiarize I had to come up with the following.
Does it really matter which came first, the chicken or the egg?
According to Ms. Manners the answer to this question determines who buys breakfast. But I'm a man of science, not etiquette, so by using a complicated formal consisting of conditional probability, the babes to whales theorem and an omelet recipe I saw on the Food Network I have come up with the question that truly matters: Take the chicken, the egg, cheese, hash browns, a side of toast and some OJ and which comes out first?
F*** Ms. Manners! She don't know S***! Plus, it has nothing to do with buying breakfast, because I had to coyote my arm off to get out of there BEFORE breakfast! Otherwise, she would have made me leave the seat down and all that other manners crap. So I said, "Excuse Me, I's gotsta go." Just to piss her off!
The answer is the EGG. McDonald's doesn't sell Chicken Freakin' McNuggets before 11, but you can get a Sausage, Egg, and Cheese biscuit at the crack of dawn! Even if you take it up a notch from Mickey D's, at say, Denny's, you can't get a Chicken and Egg breakfast, only a Steak and Egg breakfast that, ironically, tastes like Chicken!
Seeing as how Marty just detonated with dual 8.725's in Mirth and Ingenuity, I'm at a decided disadvantage going into battle. But God hates a coward, so I shall persevere.
I think that question really only matters to evolutionary biologists, but personally, I never really understood the conundrum. Let's approach the question logically, shall we? I think we would all agree that chicken tastes like everything, right? Or almost everything. I had octopus last week and it tasted like a Michelin Tire. But I digress. Similarity in taste clearly implies some ancestral commonality. Were we to trace back all species of animal that taste like chicken, we'd quickly leave the rise of humans, primates, mammals in the dust. I submit to you, here and now, that the chicken was the very first creature to crawl out of the primordial muck. We'll call her Lucy. Being the only chicken in a world full of muck is very stressful.
Where was I going with this . . . ??
Oh oh yes . . . I remember. Lucy was able to create offspring through parthenogenesis. The process, however, wasn't 100% perfect, so some children were born with genetic mutations that, after millions of years, would evolve into completely separate species. But they still had the chicken taste gene. Science. Pure and simple.
I have no idea in hell where the egg came from, but there's no way you can convince me that an egg - no arms or legs - would be able to beat a determined chicken in a footrace out of the primordial muck. Ain't happening.
Much like I may have used our time living together to best answer the last question, Bartt was a genius to incorporate, essentially, the Grand Slam breakfast. However it is no Sleepwalker Special!
After taping my head back together (at first read Rage's answer made it explode) I had to give major points for the use of the word "conundrum" which I can only assume, given the source, is some perversion of the word "condom".
But in the end I have to give the nod to Marty. It may not be fair, at least not in the sense that "we should just keep recounting the votes in Florida until our guy wins" fair, but his opening rant was good enough that his answer to the question was irrelevant.
I'm Brad Hea and I approve of this message!
Thanks TFK.
So many random questions, so little time. Area 57, what really happened there?
Ah, very crafty question my young Padawan. Most casual observers are familiar with the history of Area 51 but few are aware of the devious history of Area 57.
(For those of you scoring at home Area 51 is a top-secret military test facility administered as Detachment 3 of the Edwards Air Force Base, California. Area 51 is not the real name for the facility; it was simply a term used on maps from the 1950s and 1960s to identify the unused land surrounding Groom Lake. Other aliases which have been applied to the facility include: The Skunkworks, Dreamland, Groom Lake Military Base, Watertown, The Ranch, Paradise Ranch and The Box. Although Area 51 was the official name for the facility until just before 1990, the name was changed to the more technical Air Force Flight Test Center, Detachment 3 (AFFTC Det. 3) in the late 1980s. The main UFOlogy interest in the base at Groom Lake comes from the belief that the debris and bodies from the Roswell Incident were taken to the Area 51 for reverse engineering and autopsies respectively.)
Area 57 is a small segment of Lee County Alabama near Opelika. Specifically, it refers to the area on both sides of Phelps Creek. In 1895 a young Henry Heinz traveled from Pittsburg to do some hunting in Alabama. His friend, L. C. Noble (no relation to NobedTM) accompanied him on the journey. After a long day of unsuccessfully tracking pheasant, Henry and L. C. set about camping for the night. Quoting from Henryâs personal journal, âIt stopped raining about dusk when my friend and I started to pitch the tent. Mind you we were only camping about a mile from the road and one and a half miles from the landowner's home. After twenty minutes my friend and I sat down to read some porn and started hearing strange grunts and heavy footsteps accompanied by a foul smell. It went on for about ten minutes, with sounds getting closer and at random, as though the "animal" was trying to scare us or get us to make a move.â
Later that same evening the âanimalâ attacked the camp. âI saw a large upright creature, approx. seven to eight feet tall. It was covered in hair, black to dark brown, and had an awful smell.â While the creature was rummaging through their provisions Henry and L. C. began throwing rocks and shouting. Historians argue whether it was the rocks or the pungent smell of Henryâs latest batch of horseradish that drove the creature from the encampment. Regardless, both men were shocked and vowed to keep their encounter secret for fear of being labeled insane. L.C. never mentioned the incident again but Henry was terribly upset and it haunted him until his death in 1919. Henry was so traumatized that the number â57â permeated his life and the Heinz company culture. The company slogan, â57 varietiesâ is directly attributed to the encounter. As does the address of the company, P.O. Box 57, the phone number, 273-5757, and the amount they paid for naming rights to the Steelers Stadium, $57 million.
Rumors of the Area 57 encounter are well known in Lee County and throughout Alabama. In fact, the Alabama Public Radio Code for dangerous animal is â57â. The rumors of Area 57 were finally confirmed earlier this year when Teresa Heinz sold her late husbandâs great granfatherâs story to The National Enquirer to help finance her husbandâs presidential campaign. You may have seen the headline âBigfoot Attacks Ketchup Kingâ in the April 16th edition.
Just to note an observance within the story above. Henry Heinz and L.C. Noble were documented reading some porn and "pitching a tent". I highly doubt that this is mere coincidence.
Area 57, just one of the HI-larious places you can touch on the "Show me where he Tickled you, Elmo" doll! There's Area 11: HaHaHa, you touched my spleen! Area 316: You might think it's funny but there's nothing humerus about touching THAT bone. Area 93: Are you using the whole fist Doc? Area 122: Wow! I didn't even know women had a heart! And, of course, Area 57: You keep your little alien out of my secret space. Yes with the "Show me where he Tickled you, Elmo" doll you'll have areas to touch...and touch...and touch to your heart's content.**
**Therapist not included**
Well, only two answers and one comment. sedwardson gets to keep the thread going for getting the "craftiness" of my question first!
Ok, this one actually came up at a dinner party on Saturday and I had to laugh....
"If man evolved from monkeys and apes then why are there still monkeys and apes?
Man is not yet finished evolving. The next version will come from the monkeys and apes.
(Kinda like Mozilla coming back after Netscape.)
Oz answer #1:
Monkeys and apes remain on this earth today to give Buckeye fans something to aspire TO, and remind the rest of us where we came from.
Oz answer #2:
They are still alive for one simple reason: entertainment value
To this day, there are very few things as amusing as watching the ancient primate tradition of them flinging their own feces.
I have to stop coming into these debates at halftime . . . I had a viable theory to share, but after getting kicked in the balls with the wisdom DJ's flung feces factoid, I realized that anything I could add at this point would be an untruth. And we are all men of action . . . lies do not become us.
What kind of Planet of the Ape question is that? Did this person at your dinner party ever see this fine documentary?????
Even in that Sci-Fi classic, the humans and apes coexisted. Gees!
I have to give the nod to Oz #2. Flying feces is indeed one of the funniest things to watch. The apes at the Bronx Zoo have even perfected the running-front flip-press your ass against the plate glass window-pre feces toss move.
If you haven't seen it it's worth the price of admission.
You said flying feces.
Thank you ScottE., and now we go from flying feces to Reese's Pieces....
E.T. had his Reese's Pieces,
Sloth (Goonies) and Carl Spackler the groundskeeper (Caddyshack) gave some publicity to the Baby Ruth candy bar.
Adam Sandler did a stint for Subway (Happy Gilmore) and more recently Harold & Kumar went to White Castle.
What movie or which star will endorse the next type or brand of food?
Ben Affleck for SPAM - no matter what you put it in it's still crap!
Prince for Buffalo Wild Wings - it'll tear the ass right out of your pants!
Ponderosa: The Movie - a zany, madcap romp across America leads 5 teens on an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord...OF HILARITY!
Bartt's fascination with assless pants has me concerned!
As for an answer, I'd have to say The Dixie Chicks for Lone Star beer, 'cause they love everything from Texas.
Allow me to peer into my crystal ball so that I may read a brief history of things to come:
Briana Banks and Ava Devine will sign a massive contract with Burger King to endorse the Double Whopper.
Subway, hoping to cash in on the as-of-yet-untapped bulimic economic segment, will replace Jared with Mary-Kate Olsen, which will turn out to be a complete public relations turd.
Paige Davis will get together with the now imprisoned Martha Stewart for a new crazy show Trading Spaces in Prison. But that's a new show, not a food.
My crystal ball says:
Ashley Twins start pitching a new pork and beans fortified with ex-lax.
President Bill Clinton in a not-so-subtle remake
The Arkansas Fried Pork Rind Movie
We're going with Pherph on this one, boys. He gave us an idea for an entire movie. Although bonus points for Marty's Trading Places in Prison, unfortunately it lacked food content.
If Marty's show teamed up with Mary Kate Olsen, Dixie Chicks, and Prince - you'd have yourself one helluva blockbuster
Is Ross-Ade (Purdue's Stadium) really a beverage? What kind of beverage? Can it be obtained in chewing gum form? Or is it something else entirely?
(DanDan and Bitsy helped formulate the question.)
A possible death trap for my kids if I don't hold them for dear life? A glorified high school stadium with a really nice press box? Gathering place for 65,000 people with their hair parted down the middle (gratuitious Indiana slam)?